$$$ Pick Record: 4-4
Close Calls: 0
Easy Wins: 2

Ilinois +21 (Win)

It’s always nice when our analysis proves completely correct and a game plays out exactly as predicted. Illinois’s offense never quit because Juice Williams and company were playing a game against their own statistics – not against Cincy. It’s even better, though, when a player’s post game quote completely confirms our pregame theories.

After the 13 point loss, Juice was asked about his 4 TD performance and about becoming the 6th player in Big 10 history with 10,000 total yards. Instead of the generic, “It’s nice but my it’s all because of my teammates,” or, “Well, I’m not really thinking about that right now because this loss was unacceptable,” or, “We’re just focused on Fresno State next week,” Juice said of his statistical accomplishments, “It’s a blessing. Not too many people have ever done it. There have been a lot of great players that played this game. I will sit back and enjoy that once my career is over.”

The only thing that would have been funnier was if he mentioned covering the spread. “Well you know we’ve had a real great year against the spread. I’m just happy that we’re making it tough on all those Chicago bookies out there. I surprise myself at my own greatness sometimes.”

Clemson -3 (Loss)

In case any of you still don’t believe in gambling jinxes, we’d like to tell you about the Clemson/South Carolina game. A new customer of ours picked up the college football package this weekend. He e-mailed us after the Illinois game telling us how exciting it was to fade an undefeated team and cruise to victory. Then, on Saturday, after CJ Spiller’s opening kickoff return for a touchdown, we got this e-mail:

“CJ Spiller is the man!!! He’s going for 4 TDs today! THANKS GUYS!!!”

Needless to say, after Spiller followed that e-mail with 9 carries for 18 yards, we didn’t hear from that customer again. We can only assume after sending that e-mail, he told his wife, “Honey, I’m going to buy some more beer. Isn’t it great, having a 7-11 across the street from us? I never have to worry about driving drunk to get more beer!” and promptly walked out the house, crossed the street, and was hit by a bus driven by CJ Spiller’s drug addict cousin.

Mississippi State +8 (Win)

It wouldn’t be an autumn weekend if BB didn’t pick an underdog that won outright. Jevan Snead and his quick release threw three picks and Anthony Dixon ripped off 133 yards on 29 carries. When a quick release is your best asset, you really have two choices in life – become a mediocre SEC quarterback or become a prolific sperm donor. At least Jevan has a back up plan if football doesn’t work out.

Southern California -13 (Win)

Reason #1,842 why college football destroys the NFL – The near brawl at the USC/UCLA game Saturday night. For those who didn’t see it, here’s a quick recap:

1) Up 21-7 with 54 seconds left, USC’s Matt Barkley takes a knee.
2) UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel calls a timeout, eliciting jeers from the fans.
3) On the next play, USC runs a play action and throws a touchdown. The USC sideline erupts in celebration.
4) UCLA players begin to strut towards the USC sideline, yelling at the Trojans and striking threatening poses.
5) The USC players begin to approach the Bruins, but after a few heated moments the teams finally calm down.

After NFL games, rivalries lead guys like Albert Haynesworth and Brandon Jacobs to meet at midfield and laugh as they hug and fist pound. In college games, rivalries lead players and coaches to act like lunatics as they run up the score, call each other names, and stomp on each other’s logo. (Is the Pac-10 the most unsportsmanlike conference in college football? It’s absolutely hilarious. We heard Pete Carroll is buying one of those shock things that you put in your palm when you shake someones hand for next season.)

The next time the Saints plant a team flag at midfield against the Panthers, let us know. (Especially because it’s artificial turf and the bottom of the flag would have to be Sharper than Shannon to penetrate it.) Until then, we’ll be watching two apparently reasonable, intelligent coaches act like 14 year old assholes while we’re listening to BYU quarterback Max Hall tell reporters, “I don’t like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything.” Even Mormons get in on the hating.

NFL Recap

Yes, it was a rough week in the NFL for us. We crushed again in college and went .500 overall this week, but Sunday was no fun for anyone. That’s just the nature of the beast. Anyone who says they can go 4-0 every week is either lying or is using a stolen Sports Almanac from the future like Biff in Back to the Future II. (We were always kind of jealous of Biff.)

Before this week, we were 14-2-2 in the NFL/div> over the last 4 weeks. Look back at our “What the eff?” articles and check our math. If you can find another handicapper who has a documented 80% run in the last month of football, please let us know. (We said DOCUMENTED. The only ones who say they’re 80% are lying like Tribble in the Len Bias 30 for 30.)

There’s the best and then there’s everyone else. 80%. It’s not just a number. It’s your protection against being like everyone else. It’s your chance at always being on the right side. 80% tells you that even when we lose, you know we should have won, and when we win, we knew we would all along. If you need us we’ll be over here, alone, picking winners for the best customers on the web.

Bowl season is just around the corner, and we’ve already sold more bowl packages than last year. We cannot exaggerate how excited we are for bowl season. As soon as the spreads come out, we’re begin the same routine we follow every yea: Rent a motel room, buy 3 cartons of Marb Lights, and grab our bankruptbookie.com lighters. We get get a bottle each of whiskey, gin, tequilla, and a bag of Solo cups. We only eat Dominos thin crust and we turn off our cell phones. We don’t leave the motel until every game is done. Last year it took 37 hours. I wish I was joking, but 76% during the bowl season (again, look it up) does not come without sacrifice.