Record: 5-3
Close Calls: 3
Easy Wins: 3

Michigan +12.5 (Win)

Our love affair with Tate Forcier is begining to remind us of the Tina and Ike Turner union during the 70s.

We knew he was overrated. He was a small, atheltic white guy, so of course fans and media would give him more credit than he deserves. So, we took Notre Dame at Michigan early in the year, only to watch the little bastard dart pass ND defenders and embarrass the Irish, leading the Wolverines to a last second victory and cover. Matt Millen wouldn’t shut up about Forcier’s greatness, and we wondered aloud how Matt Millen could talk so well with his mouth full of Tate. Needless to say, we were not Tate Forcier fans.

Fast forward to Saturday and Tate Forcier has 5 turnovers including a fumble in the end zone that probably made Matt Millen weep. Even though we picked Michigan, we were thrilled with Forcier’s performance. He did everything he could to give away the game and Ohio State STILL didn’t cover. If we could see Tate Forcier exposed for the Div III quarterback he is AND win a bet against Ohio State all day everyday, we’d turn into a couple of those lab rats that push the pleasure button all day until they starve to death. It feels that good.

Notre Dame -6 (Free Pick Loss)

Fuck you Charlie Weis. We truly believe we could have coached ND to a cover in this game. It’s one thing to be a spineless fraud, it’s another to turn a bunch of fantastic high school football players into spineless frauds. Weis could be the defendant in the first ever class action lawsuit filed by college football parents alleging irrevocable destruction of self-confidence in life.

Being -6 going into football overtime is one of our top five sports frustrations in life. In no order, the Top 5 is -6 going into football overtime, cheering for the Knicks in the 4th quarter, pink Red Sox hats, people who don’t refer to Jeter as Captain Clutch, and bandwagon Washington Capitals fans.
I will never bet on ND again, ever. I won’t let my kids bet on them, and I am boycotting NBC, navy blue, catechism, and everything Irish except whiskey, St. Patrick’s Day, and red heads.

California +8 (Win)

Yup, it’s another outright win from a BB underdog pick. It’s not even a surprise anymore. We do it so often, the shock value of an underdog winning outright is gone. Our success reminds us of Chuck Klosterman’s thoughts on M Night Shyamalan.

A: I met M Night Shyamalan.
B: Really? What was he like?
A: He was actually a white guy from Canada.
B: …Wow.
A: Yeah, that’s the twist ending.

Tennessee -16.5 (Loss)

This isn’t supposed to happen in Lane Kiffin games. When Lane Kiffin is up 24-10 at half, he’s supposed to cover. Everyone knows that Kiffin knows the lines – we believe he just took this game as close to the line as possible just to disprove rumors (rumors started here based on no facts whatsoever) that he’s aware of the line every week and seriously attempts to cover. The Vanderbilt game was an unfortunate but necessary casualty in Lane Kiffin’s rise to become the greatest cover coach in NCAA football history. Once we get Layla Kiffin reading BB and into gambling like Gretzky’s wife, Lane won’t have any choice but to cover every game, including throw away games like this one.

Philadelphia Eagles -3 (Win)

How many times can Jay break till he shatters? We imagine Jay is one of the last players to leave Soldier Field, driving a desperately fancy car to a desperately gaudy apartment. Without joy, friends, or wins, Jay pulls out a guitar from under his bed, cues up OAR on YouTube, and attempts to play “Shattered.” In reality, he’s probably buying bottles of champagne that are more expensive than our car and ending his night in a threesome with two strippers, but we have little interest in reality. We want to live in a world where Jay Cutler struggles to learn how to play OAR on his acoustic guitar.

Oakland Raiders +10.5 (Free Pick Win)

And then another win. Did anyone besides BB pick the Raiders here? Of course not. Yet, somehow, we have another outright winner.

Bruce Gradkowski came off the bench to lead the Raiders to victory. We can’t imagine the pain and suffering endured being JaMarcus Russell’s backup. With an organization as dysfunctional as the Raiders, Gradkowski probably felt like he’d never feel the rush of life again, forever isolated as he sat alone on the cold, hard bench. There’s probably no worse fate. Oh wait.

Doctors had considered the guy in that link to be in a coma for the last 23 years. But, in fact, HE WAS AWAKE THE ENTIRE TIME. He was physically paralyzed, but he could see, hear, and think.

Since doctors realized “holy shit, this guy can hear us,” Rom Houben has been hooked up with a computer to share his thoughts and given a monitor that delivers him electronic books. He said that the doctors’ realization was “my second birth.” “I want to read, talk with my friends via the computer and enjoy my life now that people know I am not dead.”

So next time you’re feeling bad for Bruce Gradkowski, or anyone associated with the Oakland Raiders, think of Rom.

Baltimore Ravens +1.5 (Loss)

Remember those times when you were younger and you were being made fun of or you were pissed about something completely unrelated, and to feel better you lashed out at the smallest, weakest kid in your group of friends? Maybe it was a little brother, or a kid with a stutter, or the nerdy kid you pretended you didn’t know when girls were around. Either way, we’ve all done it. We so clearly cross the line that even our most loyal friends cringe as we destroy the unsuspecting weakling.

This is basically what happened throughout the Ravens game, as we took out our eventual half point loss on any vulnerable member of the Ravens. Pointing out Flacco’s unibrow, we questioned whether Joe had in fact been conceived in a barnyard. We suggested that Le’Ron McClain would one day die a drug induced death and continued to remind people of this prediction throughout the day. We told Billy Cundiff that we know his secret and the sooner he comes out of the closet the easier it will be on everyone.

We’re not proud of this behavior and we really thought we grew out of it after that time in 5th grade we told Dylan to shut up because his dad is an alcoholic. But, as you all know, razor thin gambling losses can have strange effects on people.

San Francisco 49ers +6.5 (Win)

We told you about the hook and we hope you listened. That’s it for today. If you’re looking for us, we’ll be watching tapes of this 49ers/Packers game, chanting, “Rufio! Rufio!” What can we say, we love the hook.