Reviewing & Previewing

1. Jim Calhouns Basketball Manifesto

It doesn’t matter if he has four or 40. What could Calhoun be talking about? Khalid El-Amins children? Caron Butlers felonies? No, haters, hes talking about Hasheem Thabeets blocked shots. Thabeet was credited with four blocks in #1 UConns dominating win at #7 Louisville. The ever-frightening-to-look-at Terrence Williams had a career high 26 points in the loss.

2. You Will All Respect the Legend of Patty Mills

Patrick “Patty” Mills will be out until the final weekend of the regular season after undergoing surgery to repair his broken right hand. After losing the Aboriginal Air Jordan against Gonzaga, Saint Mary’s promptly dropped two straight to fall to 18-3. The loss of the Pride of the Torres Strait Islands Islands is bad news for Gaels fans but great news for gamblers who are salivating for the inevitable underrating of the Gaels come March Madness time.

3. You Know You’re in the Horizon League When…

You shoot 32/35/ from the free throw line. Wisconsin-Green Bay upset #11 Butler Monday night, paced by 21 points from Ryan Tillema. You also know you’re NOT a top 10 team if some squad led by a Spencer-Pratt-looking-douche-bag scores almost half as many point from the free throw line as you did in the entire game.

4. But He Called Me Corperryale!

Copperryale “Manny” Harris was ejected Saturday after shattering the nose of Purdue guard Chris Kramer with an intentional elbow to the face. I’m torn on who to blame here. While I can’t stand born-to-be-a-Duke-reserve-guard Chris Kramer, Harris’s parents basically guaranteed their son a temper of felonious proportions when filling in “Corperryale” on the birth certificate. According to Wikipedia, Corperryale is a combination of Corrine, Perry, Janelle, Jerrelle, and Al. Someone should really send his parents (Merrick and James) a copy of Freakonomics.

5. Fuck You, I’m Gary Williams

University of Maryland head coach Gary Williams found himself in a war of words with Senior Associate Athletic Director Kathy Worthington and Athletic Director Debbie Yow over who to blame for the release of two of Maryland’s top recruits. In response to Worthington’s denial of the administration’s blame for the loss of the recruits, Williams said, “She has never won a national championship. She has never done anything. She is an associate AD.”

Needless to say, Gary doesn’t give a shit about what some bureaucratic bitch thinks of him. Just looking at Gary, you can tell he’s about as tolerant of women’s bullshit as Albert DeSalvo was.

6. East Coast Bias, Meet Darren Collison

In the bi-annual battle for who Californians will pretend they’re a fan of, USC travels to Pauley Pavilion Wednesday night to face off with #12 UCLA. Perennially underrated PG Darren Collison is coming off a 6/7 night from the field in a 97-63 win over Stanford. According to his NBADraft.net profile, Collison attended Etiwanda high school. I once saw a movie about a hotel there and, from what I remember, it was a pretty rough place to grow up. I’m just praying Demar DeRozan isn’t a Hutu.

7. Yeah We Thuggin’, Rollin on Dubs

On January 12th, Deadspin reported that JT II, father of current Georgetown head coach JT III and avid Fat Joe fan, said his son needed more thugs on the floor if Georgetown was going to compete in the disgustingly deep Big East. Two days later, Georgetown began a five game losing streak and is now sitting at 12-8 (3-6). According to rumors flying around DC, guard Chris Wright tried to make Grandpa Thompson happy by taking a swing at teammate Jesse Sapp at halftime of the WVU game. Coming as no surprise to Georgetown fans, Wright’s punch rimmed out (ouch!). Georgetown will need to win at home Tuesday night against Rutgers if they want to avoid Wednesday basketball at the Big East tournament.

8. Thanks For Reminding Me, Joe

West Virginia guard and March Hero Joe Mazzulla will miss the remainder of the season following shoulder surgery later this week. The type of thug that would surely bring Georgetown multiple national championships, Mazzulla followed last year’s bitch slap of Dook in the round of 32 with a bitch slap of a cop at PNC Park (insert obligatory Pirates joke here). I will now commence watching and re-watching this video the rest of my workday.